Over Christmas, I went back to my childhood home to spend time with my Family. I visit once maybe twice a year and I’m not entirely sure just how much they know about me and my views anymore. As you will come to know, I am a free spirit. Especially when it comes to sex. Over the ten days I was there, I started to speak quite freely about sex and my desire to write an erotic novel. *Insert dramatic music here*. This made for some uncomfortable glances being thrown my way from certain family members.
I lost my virginity at the ripe old age of 15, which was actually quite mature for my home town. I think I knew from very early on that it was always going to be a big part of my life. It was exhilarating as two teens trying to circumnavigate our parents not so busy schedules. Why the hell was there always a parent home? ALWAYS!!! I remember begging my boyfriend to ride his push bike from his end of town to mine to sneak him in my window for a clumsy fuck before sending him on his way before day break. So subtle!!
To this day, my Mum won’t really talk to me about sex. I do need to give her credit though, she cottoned on to the afternoon that I lost my virginity (again not subtle!) and did what any concerned mother would do. She took me to get the pill the very next morning.
My “sex talk”… the ol birds and bees tale we get spun, actually came to me from my Dad. What should have been an informative, enlightening conversation was literally “ I really don’t mind if you’re having sex… just make sure you use protection” and that was it.
I know grown adults much older than I that can’t even say the word “Penis” or “Vagina”. When a middle aged man calls it a “Doodle” or a “HooHaa” with an awkward giggle you know you’ve got a fun afternoon of me throwing sex into every conversation using correct terminology.
I found that as I got older, the conversations around sex didn’t really get easier. Girls never wanted to talk about it for fear of being labelled a slut.. and guys hated talking to me about it because… well, I have a vagina. I find it so interesting that people are more than happy to engage in sex and sexual acts. But shit, we can’t talk about that! No way. Nope. Shhhhhh!
I call bullshit.
In my honest opinion… there is absolutely nothing more beautiful than two people sharing themselves so intimately. It’s a space where you are truly yourself. All barriers have been dropped and there is nothing more than you and your partner in that moment. Seeing your partner absolutely lost in the pleasure coursing through their body. Having someone so lovingly explore every inch of your body and appreciate your orgasm almost more than you do.
Why do we struggle to talk about it? If we were to grow up learning from childhood, that there is nothing shameful about sex and sexuality, the world would be an entirely different place. Start talking to your children about it. Make consensual, positive sex conversation a normal part of their lives so when it comes to their time they’re fully equipped with the knowledge and respect for the act and their partner that seems to be forgotten these days.
I urge you to start the conversation with your partner, present and future, about sex. About how you feel about it, about your wants and needs. Start the conversation! Lets be the ones to eliminate this taboo and create an understanding about that act we all love but refuse to talk about.